Tips for Talking to Teachers - Part I

With more than 20 years experience in education and administration, I observed many dos and don'ts in the dynamics of parent and teacher communication. At times, it can be a very awkward situation - perhaps even a prescription for disaster. Most teachers are devoted to their students and passionate about their careers. As parents, we are passionate about our children (to put it mildly). Although parents and teachers have the best of intentions, our passions can collide.Throughout the month, I will give you some tips to talking with teachers.

Next week, many of you will go to "meet the teacher." I remember when I was a kindergarten teacher and we had "meet the teacher" day. With 45+ adults and children waiting to meet me, a parent backed me in the corner (literally) and told me about her son's dysfunctional family situation. She went on to tell me that because of this situation he will struggle in school. Hmmm...What's wrong with this picture? First of all, she did this in front of her son. So he listened to his mom tell of how he is going to struggle. Secondly, by the end of the night after more conversations than I could count, all I could remember is that one of my students had a real sad homelife. I couldn't remember which one.

You may have a heartfelt concern that you feel the teacher needs to be aware of (learning difference, illness, family situation, etc.). If so, wait a couple of weeks into the school year. Then schedule a private meeting with the teacher either face to face or by phone. (Most teachers will specify their preferred method of communication.) Keep in mind that email is never the best way to communicate sensitive issues.

Lastly, go out of your way to be kind on "meet the teacher" day. While you are walking in excited and refreshed, chances are the teacher is exhausted (although he/she won't show it). Most teachers spend hours getting their rooms ready for the big day.

Have a blessed day, Robin

Tip: Begin Early to Prepare your Students for College - Part 3

Before I go any further with this topic, we have to agree on something. While being a lifelong learner is necessary and using our God-given brain and talents is important, college is not for everyone. There are many great people in this world who never stepped foot on a college campus. With that being said, let's continue with our college prep tip.

Summer is a great time to visit college campuses. This can be done with kiddos of any age - even those as young as elementary school. This is a great way to plant a seed for the future. It doesn't have to take a lot of effort. As you are on a summer vacation or a short trip, take the time to plan ahead and just drive through some college campuses. Get out and walk around. Walk through some classrooms and take a look at the gym. If time permits, visit with an admissions officer. This can help to narrrow down the options when the time comes to choose.

We did this with our boys. I remember one summer we drove through the beautiful campus of Ouachita Baptist University - a great college in Arkadelphia, Arkansas. I just knew it was a perfect fit for one of our boys. As we drove through the quaint scenic campus in this beautiful small town, I commented on what a great school this is. My son looked around and said, "where's the mall?" When we told him that the largest nearby city was Little Rock and that is was 45 miles away, he was not interested.That slight detour on our short trip was of great benefit because he knew then that he wanted to attend college in a big city.

Have a great day - Robin

Mom Tip: Stay off the court - Part 2

Who would guess that there is a great tidbit of parenting advice nestled in a Stephen Covey book on leadership. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey relates an experience with his son. He wrote about how his son struggled in school, and how he and his wife often stepped in to rescue him. Then they realized that they were communicating to their son that he wasn't capable of handling the situation on his own and he needed his parents help. This was a great tidbit for me even this late in my parenting journey. One of our boys has his own business. I will often problem solve with him as to how to handle situations that arise. After reading this Covey anecdote, I make sure to say to him, "These are just some ideas. You're in charge and you are more than capable of handling any situation that comes up."

Let's agree that there are times when circumstances dictate that we jump in and advocate for our children. However, there are also times that we should stay out of the way and give them the opportunity to learn how to relate to people. Around the age of 3rd or 4th grade is a great time to begin training your children how to advocate for themselves. When they come home feeling as if they have been treated unfairly by their teacher, resist the urge to react by picking up the phone or off an unkind email. Instead help them to put into words their feelings. Go a step further and practice with them what they can say to the teacher and then saying it in a respectful tone. Even if the outcome doesn't come out favorable, it is a great learning experience.

As a previous school administrator, I watched many moms advocate for their 18 year old seniors in high school. Mom would schedule a meeting, then do all of the talking while her 18 year old just sat there. If the 18 year old began a sentence, mom would sometimes finish it for him. If you can teach your children at an early age to advocate for themselves, you will have done them a great service.

Mom Tip: Stay off the basketball court!

Something happens to us when we become moms. Being a mom brings out every protective, defensive bone in our body. When we look upon our precious baby, we determine that no one will hurt him/her. We will do anything to protect and defend them. This deep seated instinct often causes us to jump in and rescue our "babies" no matter how old they are or how big they are.

If you watched sports this week, you may have seen NBA star, Lebron James, in a playoff game. When he was the ball, a player on the other team wrapped his arms around him and kept him from making the shot. Lebron James's mom, who was sitting on the front row, jumped out of her seat and headed to the court to defend her 6'9" - 250 lbs. baby. While it was out of line for her to behave this way, it is the perfect example of how we jump in and rescue our children.

When our children are part of an unpleasant situation, we have several options. We can jump in and rescue them, guide them to problem solve and advocate for themselves, leave them alone and let them work it out on their own. The best solution depends on the circumstance and our child's age. In the NBA game, the 3rd option would have been best for Lebron's mom.

Have a great day,
Robin