Mom Tip: Stay off the court - Part 2

Who would guess that there is a great tidbit of parenting advice nestled in a Stephen Covey book on leadership. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Covey relates an experience with his son. He wrote about how his son struggled in school, and how he and his wife often stepped in to rescue him. Then they realized that they were communicating to their son that he wasn't capable of handling the situation on his own and he needed his parents help. This was a great tidbit for me even this late in my parenting journey. One of our boys has his own business. I will often problem solve with him as to how to handle situations that arise. After reading this Covey anecdote, I make sure to say to him, "These are just some ideas. You're in charge and you are more than capable of handling any situation that comes up."

Let's agree that there are times when circumstances dictate that we jump in and advocate for our children. However, there are also times that we should stay out of the way and give them the opportunity to learn how to relate to people. Around the age of 3rd or 4th grade is a great time to begin training your children how to advocate for themselves. When they come home feeling as if they have been treated unfairly by their teacher, resist the urge to react by picking up the phone or off an unkind email. Instead help them to put into words their feelings. Go a step further and practice with them what they can say to the teacher and then saying it in a respectful tone. Even if the outcome doesn't come out favorable, it is a great learning experience.

As a previous school administrator, I watched many moms advocate for their 18 year old seniors in high school. Mom would schedule a meeting, then do all of the talking while her 18 year old just sat there. If the 18 year old began a sentence, mom would sometimes finish it for him. If you can teach your children at an early age to advocate for themselves, you will have done them a great service.